It’s the ultimate challenge for a boxing writer: Write an entire column poking fun at one of HBO’s 24/7 series without the benefit of a single Mayweather.

A drinking-game article for a 24/7 full of Mayweathers is like hosting a celebrity roast and seeing Carrot Top, Danny Bonaduce and Kevin Federline up on the dais. The jokes practically write themselves. But without Uncle Roger, Big Floyd, Little Floyd or even honorary family member Leonard Ellerbe to mock, the degree of difficulty is significantly increased.

In a way, it’s appropriate that 24/7 Pacquiao-Cotto presents such a challenge as compared to Mayweather-Marquez 24/7. When it comes to picking opponents, Floyd Mayweather insists on making things as easy as possible on himself whereas Manny Pacquiao perpetually seeks out the biggest, baddest opponents available. In that regard, these 24/7 drinking games parallel the fighters nicely.

So like a much wimpier, considerably less athletic Pacquiao, I’m welcoming the challenge and presenting another drinking game here on RingTV.com. Just remember the ground rules: Always designate a driver, never attempt to operate heavy machinery and, above all, don’t drink your own pee.

Now let’s get to the official 24/7 Pacquiao-Cotto drinking game:

ÔÇó Take one sip of beer every time you accidentally refer to the show as Pacquiao-Cotto 24/7, when its name is in fact 24/7 Pacquiao-Cotto. This is a very important distinction. Thank goodness HBO changed the name. Expect a massive ratings explosion now.

ÔÇó Take one large gulp of Guinness every time you see a slo-mo replay of Pacquiao knocking out Ricky Hatton. (Unless you are Ricky Hatton, in which case, drink an entire pint. And then just cut out the middle man and put your mouth straight on the tap for 30 seconds of chugging when you hear Freddie Roach announce to the world, “Hatton ÔǪ wasn’t that good.”)

ÔÇó Fill a shot glass with ink and throw it back anytime you notice a new tattoo on Miguel Cotto.

ÔÇó Make it two shots of ink whenever you actually see Cotto getting a new tattoo applied.

ÔÇó Make it three shots of ink whenever you find yourself wondering how long it will be before Cotto runs out of space and looks identical to Johnny Tapia from the neck down.

ÔÇó Drink nothing and sit there slack-jawed in amazement when an entire episode ends without Roach’s Parkinson’s being mentioned once.

ÔÇó Hold the same slack-jawed pose, but this time toss a shot of Puerto Rican rum into your wide-open gullet, if Cotto should happen to shock you by letting his lips curl into something resembling a smile. (Seriously, has anyone ever been more worthy of the adjective “stoic” than Cotto? This guy smiles about as often as Malik Scott moves up in competition.)

ÔÇó Take a sip of Youngstown’s finest microbrew if they happen to show a guy who looks identical to Jack Loew cooking pinchos for Cotto.

ÔÇó Drink a Sex on the Beach if you see a shot of Carl Froch’s girlfriend in minimal clothing. (Oops, wrong premium-cable-boxing-reality-show drinking game.)

ÔÇó Down a shot glass filled with not-yet-hardened plaster every time they show a replay of Antonio Margarito pounding Cotto into a bloody mess.

ÔÇó Drink a Filipino beer if Pacquiao speaks English and HBO uses subtitles.

ÔÇó Drink a Puerto Rican beer if Cotto speaks English and HBO doesn’t use subtitles.

ÔÇó Drink one of each out of a double-strawed beer helmet if you can’t for the life of you figure out why this subtitling double-standard is being employed.

ÔÇó Smoke like Jeff Spicoli if you find yourself expecting to see Sean Penn show up in a muscle shirt and pull suffering Filipinos out of the raging flood waters.

ÔÇó Get yourself as drunk as Paulie in the opening scenes of Rocky III if you find yourself wondering whether Pacquiao is starting to let his celebrity detract from his training.

ÔÇó Drink a glass of milk if you see Cotto’s bosomy buddy, Brian Perez, going topless in a swimming pool.

ÔÇó Gargle intensely with mouthwash if you see an unnecessary closeup of Cotto’s package in white trunks as he climbs out of that swimming pool.

ÔÇó Take one sip of wine if there’s a disagreement or altercation of some kind between members of the Pacquiao camp.

ÔÇó Take two sips of wine if the disagreement or altercation is between Pacquiao and Roach.

ÔÇó Drink a wine glass full of your own tears if you worry that Manny and Freddie are going to break up someday, ruining the greatest boxing bro-mance since Al Albert and Sean O’Grady.

RASKIN’S RANTS

ÔÇó I don’t mind Carl Froch getting the decision over Andre Dirrell two Saturdays ago; I had it 114-113 for Dirrell and certainly a close decision either way shouldn’t have upset anybody. But I was flabbergasted to see the official scorecards a few days ago and learn that judge Massimo Barrovecchio of Italy gave rounds 11 and 12 to Froch, which is about as justifiable as having Larry David ahead of Rosie O’Donnell at the time of the stoppage. Because his final score was reasonable, Barrovecchio might escape scrutiny, and that would be a shame. Dubiously scored rounds should be reviewed by commissioners just as carefully as dubiously scored fights.

ÔÇó I caught an interesting turn of phrase from Antonio Tarver during ShoBox on Friday night: “When I was in that ring ÔǪ” It was hard not to notice his use of the past tense. With a promising broadcasting career, presumably a healthy bank account and seemingly a sharp mind intact, it certainly wouldn’t be the worst timing in the world for Tarver to hang up the gloves.

ÔÇó There’s no Ring Theory audio show this week, but Bill Dettloff and I will be back next week to reflect on Showtime’s Halloween broadcast and preview both Pacquiao-Cotto and Chad Dawson-Glen Johnson II. And speaking of Ring Theory, those of you who listened to the debut show last week will note that I picked Tomasz Adamek over Andrew Golota by sixth-round knockout and Oliver McCall over Lance Whitaker by 10-round decision. Not a bad way to start in the “Quick Picks” competition. To paraphrase one of the most memorable lines of trash talk in boxing history, how dare Dettloff challenge me with his primitive skills?

Eric Raskin can be reached at [email protected].